This was it. The Season 11 Finale. Two very talented finalists. Three increasingly less talented judges. One producer whose song choices show he has his finger on the pulse of what the kids can’t wait to hear on American Bandstand. I have very little to make fun of with these finalists. For the first time in a very long time, I’m not going to be upset if either wins. It comes down to personal preference.
Three quick thoughts on the judges’ clothing because, as Idol has taught me, if you don’t have anything nice to say about the performance, comment on the clothes.
1.Steven skinned a pretty sweet couch from the 70s in order to make that suit.
2.Randy can pull off wearing a tangerine blazer about as much as he can pull off coherent criticism.
3.Jennifer looked like she was turning into the bad Spiderman.
Jessica Sanchez – “I Have Nothing”/”The Prayer”/”Changed Nothing” – Jessica should win American Idol because she has a higher ceiling than Phillip Phillips. American Idol needs to show it can produce major recording artists. It’s been a long time since Carrie Underwood. I know Jordin Sparks is on the verge and Scotty McLowNotes went platinum but they don’t have the level of celebrity of Carrie or Kelly Clarkson. The way you can tell is that if you say Carrie or Kelly to a radio listener, they think Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson, respectively. If you say Jordin or Scotty, the listener would say, “Michael Jordan sings?” or “The guy from Star Trek who died sings?” Jessica has the potential for singular name recognition. American Idol should hope she wins tonight. She could have a Beyonce-sized rear career. And they need that.
Phillip Phillips – “Stand By Me”/”Movin Out”/”Home” – Phillip should win American Idol because he always had great song choices even if they always weren’t executed superbly. Phillip put on a show every time he went on stage. He was entertaining, confident, uncompromising, and he had more fun than any contestant I’ve ever seen in 11 seasons of watching. Staying that true to yourself should be rewarded. Dave Matthews (who Phillip will continue to be compared to) built a huge and loyal following off 4 or 5 radio hits. Winning American Idol could give Phillip a head start on radio exposure that could lead to a very successful touring career. However, I felt that Kris Allen and David Cook were going to go somewhere and that never (hasn’t?) happened.
I want Phillip to win because I personally enjoyed him the most. I think Jessica should win because she, barring improper guidance, will be the bigger star that American Idol needs. It’s a good place to be where you’re not rooting against a person in the Finale. This was a great season. Maybe the best season in terms of a Top 12. In the end, I’m pulling for Phillip because I heard the winner gets new kidneys and Jessica doesn’t need them.
A dark gloom hung over Top 3 Night on American Idol. Jennifer Lopez was finally voted off the show. We did it America! Let’s look back on her Idol journey while Scotty McCreery sings (fitting because she helped make that Idol champion a frightening reality). Here she is giving terrible advice. There she is giggling. Terrible advice. Goosies! Terrible advice. Crying. Terrible advice. So many memories! Then Ryan asks her if she’d do us the honor of lip synching us out over autotuned vocals. Special.
But enough about her, this is about the Season 11 contestants. They still matter. This week, they had to sing three songs – one from the judges (ok), one from themselves (not good), and one from Jimmy Iovine (great). I don’t like how much Jimmy has grown on me this season. He’s like a dark hair that grows out of the middle of your shoulder and you pluck it but it keeps coming back and after a while you question whether it’s weird that you focus so much on removing it so you leave it and come to accept it as part of who you are and that makes you a healthier person with a single shoulder hair. Hypothetically.
Side note: I like the homecoming segments on Project Runway more than American Idol but that’s just because Tim Gunn makes everything better. Everything.
Can he replace JLo?
JUDGE’S SONG:
Joshua Ledet – “I’d Rather Go Blind” – It’s like a recipe. Joshua gets his funny microphone, an old song that allows him to explode at the end, and top it off with a standing ovation. You can set your watch to it. Then pawn that watch at Phillip Phillip Sr’s shop. JLo said they considered giving him a modern song but figured he should get a throwback song so he could really shine. That’s really nice of her.
Jessica Sanchez – “My All” – Speaking of picking a song so the contestant can shine. JLo FedEx-ed a flaming bag of her bodyguard’s poop to Jessica’s house and told her to sing it. JLo uses her bodyguard’s poop because she can’t excrete her own. That’s why she’s so full of it. This was pure sabotage in the same manner as Haley’s “You Oughta Know” last year. It was way too high for Jessica. I don’t know what they have against Jessica but they want her out. JLo acted surprised by how hard the song was. Shouldn’t you know the song you recommend for someone? Don’t wait til the end of the season. Leave now!
Phillip Phillips – “Beggin’” – That was so good. I don’t know what made it the Madcon version because the Four Seasons’ original that was supposedly sampled sounded exactly the same. I guess sampling in Norwegian translates to covering. But it’s not about that. It’s about Phillip Phillips putting on a great performance. Steven Tyler chose it for its strong melody that Phillip of course didn’t stick to. The melody is hot lava. The melody is hot lava.
CONTESTANT’S SONG
Joshua Ledet – “Imagine” – The way Joshua sings leaves a fine line between oversinging and singing with passion. On simple songs like this, it’s oversinging. This is a pretty song and should be sung so as it was by David Archuleta when he made it one of the best Idol performances ever. You never want to come in second to David Archuleta. That’s why David Cook beat him.
Jessica Sanchez – “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” – Speaking of. This was a ballsy choice for Jessica. She had to pick herself up from the first song. It got a lot better as she went but it still failed to reach David Cook’s Idol version. After JLo Tanya Harding-ed her on the first song, you have to give her credit for getting up and medaling (most likely bronze). Her chances are slipping away.
Phillip Phillips – “Disease” – Leave it to Phillip to pick a subdued song when everyone else is trying to have a moment. The judges ripped him apart but Phillip seemed happy to be able to do another song he liked. There’s no strategy with Phillip Phillips. When you play Battleship (in theaters Friday!) with him, he just guesses number-letter combinations. If he gets a hit, he’ll guess something in a whole other section. Why try to put together consecutive hits.
JIMMY’S SONG
Joshua Ledet – “No More Drama” – I don’t know why they didn’t stand for this. I found this to be his best of the night. It was a modern-ish song that still allowed him to do all of his possessed singing stuff and jacket removal. It was Idol judge catnip. Frankly, I question whether the judges know what they’re doing.
Jessica Sanchez – “I’ll Be There” – This made it 0 for 3 for Jessica. Who is she, Albert Pujols minus $220 million? There was a part where Michael goes high but Jessica went low. It was weird. She should have won this whole thing and now I think she’s in trouble. Disappointing that it’s always song choice that takes out the best.
Phillip Phillips – “We’ve Got Tonight” – It really was his most captivating performance of the season. It made my wife and I sit with mouths open. A horse could have driven a car through the wall and we wouldn’t have looked over. The song would end and then we would have dealt with getting the horse’s insurance. How hard was he trying not to move awkwardly? I don’t know how he remembered the words while concentrating on not bringing his left hand up to his face and rolling his shoulders. Amazing job. Clinched a spot in the finals.
It was 60s Night and British Night on American Idol and not one person sang The Beatles. That’s like if it was Drunk Night and German Night and nobody sang David Hasselhoff.
Steven Tyler was sponsored by House of Blues and will receive a free appetizer for every time he worked “the blues” into a contestant’s commentary. (I should have put quotes around “commentary” as well.) He heard the blues in everyone tonight. Mr. Tyler will have 4 samplers and bring an order of sliders for David Hasselhoff.
We also came very close to having the first ever episode of American Idol not hosted by Ryan Seacrest. He missed dress rehearsal because he couldn’t stop vomiting. Fortunately, he was able to do the show and, amazingly, he was able to keep his gag reflex from kicking in during Randy’s comments. American Idol without Ryan would be like Knight Rider without David Hasselhoff.
I’m sponsored by David Hasselhoff.
THE 60S
Hollie Cavanagh – “River Deep Mountain High” – This performance needed movement to match the amazing vocals. It looked like she didn’t want to move for fear of falling in those heels. Think how good it would have been if she were in yoga pants and sneakers. Randy told her to dance like no one’s watching and then acted like he made that saying up. Sometimes it’s ok to puke, Ryan. Don’t be a hero.
Phillip Phillips – “The Letter” – This was the first of two mediocre performances for Phillip. You are not going to find a bigger Phillip Phillips fan than this guy. And I keep getting bigger every day thanks to a little tradition I like to call “dessert every night before bed.” He changed the song around a lot, completely removing the melody. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was a 5.* Then, like a CBS sitcom husband in the kitchen while his wife cooks, Ryan was not helping when he announced Phillip has a girlfriend. “Sorry, ladies/most of his voters.”
*Thanks to Randy for inventing the number 5.
Skylar Laine – “Fortunate Son” – The judges seem to know that a strong-voiced country singer would be a good winner for the show. Skylar could sell a lot of records and would show that American Idol can still find a star. Why else would they gush over one of her worst performances of the season? It didn’t work from beginning to end. She sang with all she had but it came off as unpleasant as the contents of Ryan’s backstage toilet pre-flush.
Joshua And Phillip – “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” – Not as bad as I thought it would be, much like a prostate exam. And like a prostate exam, let’s never do it again. How awkward was it that Joshua didn’t want a man’s arm around him? Don’t worry, Joshua, it gets better.
Jessica Sanchez – “Proud Mary” – It was so good. She worked the stage. She whipped her hair like JLo suggested last week. Pandering to JLo is an important step towards Idol success. Crazily, Randy didn’t think she slew the dragon that is Tina Turner. Can we at least agree that she befriended the dragon like Donkey in Shrek?
Joshua Ledet – “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” – It started off strong but lost steam quickly. I can’t believe the judges didn’t give him a standing ovation. The streak is over? How can that be? There must be something wrong with their legs. Don’t worry, FOX has some of the greatest physical therapists at their disposal. You judges are going to be able to stand for Joshua again! I believe!
THE BRITISH
Hollie Cavanagh – “Bleeding Love” – Another strong performance from the girl I say is going home every blog. She is improving week to week while everyone else stays the same. She’s like the little engine that could talk funny, yet sing beautifully. She is great at the big final note, too and if there’s one thing that works on Idol, it’s a big final note. That and gaudy lapel pins.
Phillip Phillips – “Time Of The Season” – This was Phillip’s worst of the season. Even I can’t spin this to a positive and I’m writing while wearing a Phillip Phillips t-shirt. I love him and I’d let him put his arm around me in a second. He missed most of those high notes. And, as if the girlfriend bomb wasn’t enough, Ryan ran his stomach virused hands all over Phillip’s guitar. Phillip’s in trouble.
Hollie, Jessica, And Skylar – “Higher and Higher” – Hollie and Jessica were great but Skylar was not. Let’s just say Skylar wouldn’t have been able to keep the positive slim-filled Statue of Liberty moving to take down Vigo. I know what you’re thinking – What about Vigo, the Master of Evil?* No one brings him up anymore.
*Bobby Brown RIP
Skylar Laine – “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me” – She needed this performance. It was CPR after that CCR.* There was nothing wrong with this. Just a beautiful vocal from start to finish that keeps her in the hunt for the title. And we all know she’s got everything she needs for the hunt including a title decoy and title scent (essentially title urine).
*Copywritten, y’all!
Jessica Sanchez – “You Are So Beautiful” - She started in Katherine McPhee “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” pose and killed it. She slew that - What would Joe Cocker be if Tina Turner is a dragon? A skunk? I know. I got it. – armadillo. She slew that armadillo like it had no body armor. Huge note at the end. Why has she stopped getting standing ovations?
Jessica’s gonna be a Smash success one day, too.
Joshua Ledet – “To Love Somebody” – Is it me or has Joshua sung a lot less churchy this week? This performance won me back over to his side after treating him like garbage for a few weeks on this blog. That’s the sign of greatness. Another sign of greatness is his 13th standing ovation from the judges. They can walk! His voice can heeeal-ah! Sorry Ryan, it only works on limbs not stomachs. Julianne will hold your hair.
The first half of the show was The Songs of Queen. The best part of that hour was no one did “We Are The Champions.” The second half of the show was “Contestants’ Choice.” This was a mixed bag. Overall, the night was fine. There’s really not a bad singer left which has never been the case on any previous season. We are being spoiled, people! Most of these performances would have been amazing on any of the last 3 or 4 seasons but we’re not in those seasons so prepare for some nits to be picked.
Steven Tyler talks like what he’s saying has been Google Translated into Korean and then back into English before it finds it’s way out of his mouth. Randy was sporting a pin that said, “ YO.” I wish he would also wear pins that say, “Dawg,” “Gotta Have It,” “Not Jumping Up And Down,” and “It Was Just Ok For Me.” Then he could point to them after each performance and we’d never have to hear him speak again. Also, JLo was dressed like a Ferrero Rocher except instead of a delicious hazelnut treat inside there’s nothing but cold darkness like an underwater Arctic cave.
QUEEN
Jessica Sanchez – “Bohemian Rhapsody” – I didn’t like the 3 Jessicas on the screen behind her. Each Jessica had an “I see you, 3D Jessica” look on their face. Creepy. This was a tampered Oreo performance for me. The beginning was good. The end was good. And someone licked all the cream out of the middle. She should stay away from rock.
Skylar Laine – “The Show Must Go On” – I heard some bum notes in there. And I don’t mean, “Hobo Joe, be back at dusk with something to cook over the oil drum. Yours, Green Gums McCormack.” The other bum note. Come on, that wouldn’t make any sense. I mean something was off. I don’t know flat or sharp but I know what sounds good. And some of this didn’t.
Joshua Ledet – “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” – I liked his old timey microphone. He got another standing ovation as he should. He’s the greatest singer to ever grace the Idol stage. Does it not bother anyone else-uh, that he adds an extra syllable-uh to every word-uh? It was fine. Though I’d only give the performance 3 checks, not 4 Randy. I don’t know what kind of crazy checkbox system you’re working with.
Elise Testone – “I Want It All” – She started before Ryan finished introducing her. That was weird. This is her wheelhouse. She’s a rock singer. My favorite part was when she flipped the tambourine. She should win Idol just for that. How many checks for tambourine acrobatics, Randy? 2? For real? I’m not here to fight with you, Randy. Don’t you dare point to that “Yo” pin!
Phillip Phillips – “Fat Bottom Girls” – Phillip is a joy to watch perform. He looks like he knows something you don’t know which obviously can’t be true because he never went to college.
Hollie Cavanagh – “Save Me” – This song is boring and her 80s power suit wasn’t helping. JLo got on her for her performance again. JLo knows she has never sung meaningful songs, right? She knows she’s not Selena, right? That was just a character. Regardless of JLo, it was a potentially harmful misstep.
CONTESTANTS’ CHOICE
Jessica Sanchez – “Dance With My Father” – That song is awful. She sang it very well, almost making it palatable. That’s an achievement in itself. Who dances with their father? Weird figure skating pairs from Russia, that’s who. Thankfully, the judges heaped the right amount of praise on her. She has the best voice in the competition and needs to stay.
Skylar Laine – “Tattoos On This Town” – Ok, there was a strong country performance here but that’s not important. What is important is that Randy said he made up the word “ginormous.” A word that has probably been used in every Will Ferrell movie since 2003. And even if it was true, you can’t make up new words until you get the hang of all the ones that already exist.
Joshua Ledet – “Ready For Love” – Since I also don’t know what to say anymore, I’m going to do the rest of my thoughts as an alphabetical standing ovation. HE CAN’T WIN! HE’S GOING TO SELL 9 RECORDS TOTAL! HE DOESN’T DESERVE 6 STANDING OVATIONS IN A ROW! THE JUDGES ARE MAKING ME DISLIKE A GENUINELY NICE PERSON! IT NEEDS TO STOP!
Elise Testone – “Bold As Love” – I don’t know what this song was. There were parts that were screamed, not sing-screamed, actually screamed. Then there were parts that were spoken like a conversation. Then there was scatting. It was the coolest thing I’ve heard all season. You could tell she must have performed this song 1000 times with her band. It was mesmerizing and great.
Phillip Phillips – “The Stone” – The only way to separate yourself from endless Dave Matthews comparisons is to go at it head-on and sing a Dave Matthews song to display the differences. So Phillip picked an obscure one and sang it almost exactly like Dave Matthews. Unfortunately, it was almost in a “not as good” way. I think he’s safe anyway and I loved the Phillip Phillips t-shirts that his parents were wearing.
Hollie Cavanagh – “The Climb” – I didn’t watch Hollie the first time because I spent too much time trying to find the aforementioned Phillip Phillips t-shirt on the internet. Good news – one’s in the mail. I watched it a second time and it was good. Not standing ovation good. But good. It’s hard for me to relate to a Miley Cyrus song. As a man in his early 30s, I feel more in tune with Demi Lovato.
Thanks to the Judges’ Save last week, I have to write about 14 songs instead of 12. The seven remaining singers had to perform one contemporary song and one soul song. Though if I had my lazy blogger’s way, I would have them sing a contemporary soul song and move the night along. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you and evening of Ruben Studdard. (Still the top result when you Google “Ruben!” And you said Idol doesn’t make stars!)
Much like last year, the judges are not doing a good enough job of acting like Producer Nigel isn’t feeding them what to say.
“This show needs a gospel champion. Rise my judges! Rise!”
Have you noticed there are no disagreements among the judges? They all say the same thing about a performance. Why not just have one judge? Or none. I’ll take none. Let America decide without terrible influences.
CONTEMPORARY SONGS:
Hollie Cavanagh – “Rolling In The Deep” – Take someone whose Idol chances have been spiraling down the drain for weeks. Throw in singing Adele whose songs should be banned from all reality singing competitions, Glee, and Smash. That should absolutely result in Hollie’s best performance in weeks, right? Absolutely. Even the judges said reluctantly positive things.
Colton Dixon – “Bad Romance” – The all female band was a nice touch. It showed that Colton doesn’t discriminate against the people who get little credit for what he does on stage. This didn’t work for me. The choruses were solid but the verses were too low. My mom liked it which I would have bet $1 million against. So that makes me 0 for 2 on predictions for the night.
Elise Testone – “No One” – This was a very restrained Elise. If there’s one thing I haven’t loved about one of my favorite contestants, it’s the overworking of songs. The left hand that shows us where the notes are going. The head wiggle to cut off a note. She held the words and minimized her runs. It was really good and a nice change. If there wasn’t a second song, I would say she’s safe.
Phillip Phillips – “You Got It Bad” – Stupid good. The amount of good that was should be in a remedial classroom with safety scissors. He needed to do something like this. I don’t think people appreciate how much he makes a song his own each week. Taking Usher and reworking it was really smart. He’s sailing forward.
Jessica Sanchez – “Fallin’” – Second Alicia Keys song of the night. She was surrounded by floating umbrellas and everyone knows they symbolize heartache. The umbrella has no one to hold it. No one to make it feel important. America, Jessica is our floating umbrella. Let’s take her and keep her on that stage. It was another great Jessica performance. Randy said, “She blew the box out of the song.” Let me quickly explain. All songs have boxes in them. If you sing it adequately (usually like Hollie does), the box stays in the song. So now you know an industry (read idiot’s) secret.
Skylar Laine – “Born This Way” – Sometimes she talks like George Bush. “Good suggestion, Jimmy. Heh heh.” This is the country version of Lady Gaga. Just because you add a fiddle doesn’t make it country. Oh wait, there’s a harmonica. Ok. It’s country. It was fine. I just prefer the version that accepts gay people.
Joshua Ledet – “I Believe” – Fantasia’s American Idol Champion single sung by Mantasia. I’m done with him. It’s unfortunate because he’s not obnoxious or a jerk and he can really sing. He’s just so churchy. The judges said he could sing the phone book. I hope he sings from the section on taxi services so he can get a ride home. He can’t win.
SOUL SONGS:
Hollie Cavanagh – “Son Of A Preacher Man” – I liked the Adele song better. This felt like the robotic Hollie the judges have been ripping apart for weeks. The song is about sneaking away to do dirty things with a boy. I think the only thing Hollie sneaks away to do is homework or play with American Girl dolls. She had some nice big notes at the end, though.
Colton Dixon – “Dancing In September” – That was so good. This is what he’s capable of and I think his “Bad Romance” would have been just as good if he had a little more time to work on it. He’s very talented. I don’t know what the judges were thinking. They came down hard on him. Colton forgave them though and will pray for their souls.
Elise Testone – “Let’s Get It On” – It was ok. There were moments that were really good and others that were ok. But she didn’t deserve what they gave her. This is the week where the talented singer can’t take listening to the awful judges anymore just like Haley last year. How many times can you honestly handle Jennifer “Get your ass on the floor” Lopez telling you about song choice and feeling lyrics? Or Randy (who said the song was sung by Al Green?) telling you to let something breathe when you don’t want HIM to breathe ever again.
You want to see a great version of this song?
Phillip Phillips – “In The Midnight Hour” – This was Phillip’s night. This time he came out with no guitar and lots of awkward dance movements. It was fabulous. And Randy pointed out that he let it breathe. Not like that other girl who sucks, right Randy? Now Skylar! Shoot him!
Jessica Sanchez – “Try A Little Tenderness” – I really liked the capri Cavariccis. They’re a nice modern take on a terrible 90s look. She’s so good. I don’t know why America doesn’t want to have another Kelly Clarkson-level champion. That angry growl singing at the end? It was like she was possessed. I kept waiting for pea soup projectile vomit to come out of her mouth and Colton to compel her with the power of Christ. Fantastic.
Skylar Laine – “Heard It Through The Grapevine” – Not very good. I didn’t like the country style she tried to add to it. You can’t just add country to anything. It’s not salt, Skylar! It’s a musical style.
Joshua Ledet – “Change Is Gonna Come” – It was good. Whatever.
The contestants got to choose songs from this decade. That’s only a 2 year and 4 month window of songs. Sadly, I’m so old now that I only knew 3.5 of the 10 songs sung tonight (the .5 is because one of the songs is part of an Eminem chorus). Why can’t they do songs from the East Coast Family? You know, Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD? That would be a killer night.
Speaking of killers, what was up with JLo? Did the guy who served her the divorce papers also a serve a stick right up her butt? If you weren’t Joshua, it was not your night in JLo’s eyes. She was out for blood like a mistreated pitbull which is different from a mistreated Pitbull which would result in a Red Bull and Ciroc-induced bender where he ends up passed out in either a hotel or a motel or a Holiday Inn.
Skylar Laine – “Didn’t You Know How Much I Love You” – The flaming garbage cans were a nice touch. Throughout her performance, I couldn’t help thinking about the cold homeless men behind the Idol Theater wondering where their heater/stove had gone. It was a good performance in as much as I can judge a good country performance. Steven Tyler said that he’s enamored with the girls this season and it goes to show that “the crows may crow but the hens deliver the goods.” Does Steven Tyler know that there are female crows? Granted they’re a little butch but that’s Darwinism. He of all people should understand presenting yourself in a way that transcends gender stereotypes.
Colton Dixon – “Love The Way You Lie” – The dude looks good behind a white piano. It brings out his hair. Jimmy told Colton that it comes down to him vs. Phillip. There can only be one of any type of person on a show. Jimmy knows all about that. That’s why you never see him in the same room as a 13-year-old boy. Colton did his best to beat Phillip this week. He sounded great. The only part of the song that sounded off was when he sang the word “masochist” but I’m guessing that was painfully on purpose.
Elise and Phillip – “Somebody That I Used To Know” – First this song is on Glee and now here. Fox must have bought too many rights to this song and it’s trying to get rid of them. Even though the judges disagreed, I think Phillip won this duet. But winning a duet matters about as much as Randy’s opinion.
Jessica Sanchez – “Stuttering” – Akon thinks she’s going to be a legend. And you can Smack That to the bank! Right, Akon? I loved everything about this. She’s so confident and has a great chance to be a huge star. There was a huge (not pregnant) Beyonce vibe throughout the song. Randy said that she slayed the biggest fish of the night. Personally I thought she reeled in the biggest dragon but I guess that’s six of dozen, half one of the other.
Joshua Ledet – “Runaway Baby” – He finally did an uptempo song and got a standing ovation because everything Joshua does is amazing. Joshua is great. I am not saying otherwise but JLo and Randy have to realize that American Idol needs a huge star like Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood to stay relevant. Telling Jessica that she needs to be more like Joshua is in worse taste than JLo’s duct tape dress. She looked like a photographic negative image of the girl from Fifth Element.
“Leeloo from the block”
Skylar and Colton – “Don’t You Wanna Stay” – Colton shouldn’t sing country and Skylar shouldn’t try to be so Kelly Clarkson-y. It was awful.
Hollie Cavanagh – “Perfect” – I really liked the acoustic arrangement of the song. It allowed Hollie’s pure voice to work on a song that relies on Pink’s rougher voice. It was the best she’s been in weeks but the producers want her out. Steven Tyler looked like there was a gun pointed at his favorite scarf off camera. “Just say Hollie didn’t have it tonight or the Hermes gets it!” Sorry Hollie, you don’t have a chance.
Phillip Phillips – “Give A Little More” – The saxophone doesn’t help distance him from Dave Matthews. Regardless, the judges are getting tired of Phillip doing the same thing every week. That’s who he is. He’s not going to change and go into the crowd to shake hands. His vocal doppelganger sells out arenas by holding a guitar and standing behind a microphone. He’s not going to win but you have to respect him owning who he is.
Joshua, Hollie, and Jessica – “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)” – It didn’t seem like any of them wanted to sing this song. It was like a 3rd grade chorus performance. One kid knew all the words and sang loudly (Joshua) and the rest mumbled and moved their lips until it was over.
Elise Testone – “You And I” – I like Elise and if Haley had not done this last year, it would have been a moment. But it wasn’t. Fortunately the judges really praised her so that should keep her another week. The problem is if she’s not excellent the rest of the way, she’s going home. It’s like error is trying to get comped at the Borgota on a Saturday. There’s no room for it.
It was a rough night overall. Anything had to be a letdown from last week’s fantastic show. This week we were transported back to the 80s. I think only one contestant was even alive in the 80s. They can’t connect to the era. DeAndre has no idea why Gorbachev should tear down a wall. Jessica thinks Chernobyl is the full name of Alicia Silverstone’s character in Clueless. And Joshua wouldn’t believe in God if he knew God allowed a world where New Coke could exist. Finally, Randy tried to get the phrase “Gotta Have It” to happen. There’s no chance that the guy rocking a shirt that can only be described as part of Armani’s Bozo the Clown Collection will make anything popular.
DeAndre Brackensick – “I Like It” – He started his song in a seat in the audience. Part of me liked how he looked sitting there before singing. I can only hope he can be voted off to take his rightful spot in an audience seat. Regrettably, he did a solid job on the song. It’s like an ice pick to the heart to type that. He cut down on the falsetto and made it fun. Side note – This song was sampled by a fantastic group called Wreckx N Effect. I wish DeAndre had gone with that style for the performance did not have enough shaking rumps for my liking.
Elise Testone – “I Wanna Know What Love Is” – She was right to stay away from Hallelujah. It was done so well by Jason Castro and Kris Allen. Unfortunately, this wasn’t very good. She had so much momentum and then the judges ripped her apart. Combine that with the second spot in the lineup and she’s in trouble. Maybe she was distracted by the two sleeves-worth of material on her one arm and none on the other. It’s really hard to stay on pitch when you are oversilked on one side of your body.
Colton and Skylar – “Islands In The Stream” – This was a long duet. Colton was better than Skylar on vocals. Skylar was better on wardrobe. Colton doesn’t have the cleavage to pull off that neckline. I know it’s wrong to think that way but what can I say, I’m a guy.
Phillip Phillips – “That’s All” – It was a weaker Phillip Phillips this week. I think it was the audio mix. I kept hearing some random background singer under Phillip. It was distracting. I hope American Idol fixes this problem for next time. I wouldn’t want to cross Phillip. Have you seen that intensity he has when he sings? That background singer’s going to wake up saran-wrapped naked to a table with his backing track playing over and over while a light swings above his head. The judges liked Phillip so he’ll be safe. The background singer? Not so much.
Hollie and DeAndre – “I’m So Excited” – Hollie’s’s really good at uptempo songs. She dominated this vocal and DeAndre let her. What I’m saying is DeAndre is scared of tiny girls.
Joshua Ledet – “If You Don’t Know Me By Know” – Was it good? Of course it was. Did it deserve a standing ovation? Sure. I think I’m just tiring of his style. Even Gwen Stefani said that sometimes it can be a little much. I don’t always want to be taken to church. Sometimes I want to be taken to Bobby’s Burger Palace. See what you can do with that note, Joshua.
Jessica Sanchez – “How Will I Know?” – Jessica admitted this week to having an alter ego like Beyonce’s Sasha Fierce. It is called BeBe Chez. Bebe Chez may need to go back where she came from. (Forever 21?) It didn’t work. There were some good parts but I felt the keytar was wasted on this one. Keytars don’t belong behind someone with pitch problems. Gwen Stefani told her to get rid of the cheesy hand gestures while she sings. I don’t think she did considering she put the phone fingers during “I try to call” and a hand in front of mouth for “too shy, can’t speak.” The judges loved her (hugs body with closed eyes) but I didn’t feel his one (sticks finger in mouth to gag).
Phillip and Elise – “Stop Draggin’ My Heart” – This should have been better than it was. My two favorite singers doing a duet. Remember Casey and Haley last year? Magic. This was more like the disease Magic has.
Hollie Cavanagh – “Flashdance (What A Feeling)” – It was a rough start and got a little better by the end. According to JLo, she has to listen to people’s notes and then not do what they say once it’s time to perform. Sounds right. Randy told her to stop thinking and it will all work out. If there was ever a poster child for not thinking their way to success, it’s Randy. She’s in big trouble.
Jessica and Joshua – “Knew You Were Waiting” – I know that they were singing for votes and I should talk about it since it got a standing ovation but George Michael and Aretha Franklin did a duet together? The Queen of Soul and the King of the Bathroom Stall? When did that happen? I even knew the song and would have never guessed that was George Michael. He would have been my 400th guess of who that was singing with Aretha. Right behind the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard and right in front of the guy who played Mr. Belvedere. So much 80s in that sentence.
Colton Dixon – “Time After Time” – Best of the night for me. The only person that made an 80s song sound current. I know he says he ripped off this version from another band but I listened to that version and he made some changes to it. He’s this season’s David Cook with slightly more ridiculous hair.
Slightly
Skylar Laine – “Wind Beneath My Wings” – She misses her gun from home. They text back and forth but it’s not the same. (Sample text: “Boom!!!! LOL”) Two weeks ago, Colton took Piano Man, a song no one wants to hear ever again, and made it great. Skylar tried to do the same with this tired song and did. She was fantastic, especially at the end. She needed a moment to come out of the Bottom 3 and she got it. Sucks for Elise.
Tonight’s theme was “Songs From The Idols’ Idols.” This had the potential to be a great night. Each performer gets to pick the song that means the most to them. No weird theme to make fit them. There should be at least one standing ovation. Or five. That’s right. American Idol was like a State of the Union Address last night except it had even more manufactured hope. Don’t get me wrong. The night was one of the best I’ve ever watched on Idol. (Minus the medleys.) Just hold back on the standing o’s.
Colton Dixon – “Everything” – He picked this Lifehouse song because it’s his favorite worship song. I understand that Colton is a deeply religious person but I think the Idol producers are trying to cash in on Colton, Tim Tebow-style. Good looking. Devout. And in true Tebow fashion, he started this song shaky and brought it home at the end. He’s safe but it was his worst performance thus far.
Skylar Laine – “Gunpowder And Lead” – Did you know that the town of Brandon, Mississippi runs on Skylar’s energy? They plug her in to the grid, put on a Miranda Lambert CD, and set her loose. The song fit her. She prefers to bounce like a Tigger and say as many words as possible in 90 seconds. That’s what this gave her. Solid.
Colton, Elise, and Phillip – “Stevie Nicks Medley” – This was the best of the melodies and I didn’t even want to hear this one. Although, I thought Colton was better on “Landslide” than his solo song.
Heejun Han – “A Song For You” – This is tough. Elliott Yamin owns this song. There’s no way Heejun can even approach Elliott. It’s a shame too because I think I would have enjoyed it if I didn’t know that other version existed. He got a standing ovation and that’s nice but it was not deserved. I hope Heejun feels dirty accepting the praise. Dirty Heejun. Dirty.
Hollie Cavanagh – “Jesus Take The Wheel” - She made Stevie Nicks cry. That must have been a better version than the one she sang on stage. She has so much trouble with verses. The second verse was better than the first. And tonight made her go from one of the best to the worst. Drop a beat. My name is Kevin. I write blogs for free. Hollie’s in trouble. Hi Bottom 3.
DeAndre Brackensick – “Sometimes I Cry” – Did he really get a standing ovation for that? It was terrible. That was a lot of falsetto. It’s like he found a crate of falsetto at the dollar store and bought all of it. Sometimes it’s ok to leave it there. The dollar store needs it. The woman spent a lot of time making a “We got Falsetto” sign and now she has to take it down. Leave the falsetto, DeAndre. Buy something else!
Jessica Sanchez – “Sweet Dream” – She slowed it down so much. She got a “Hi Baby” from JLo. But, in a twist worthy of Hitchcock……….’s failure of a younger brother, JLo praised the song. Doesn’t JLo know that “Hi Baby” means she’s going to trash the performance? Come on, JLo! This is why Marc Anthony left you. Back to Jessica. She was great. She didn’t get enough credit for making the song different and haunting. There was a pulse that moved through her body as she sang. It was so good and deserved a standing ovation much more than DeAndre or Heejun.
DeAndre, Heejun, and Joshua – “Michael Jackson Medley” – Michael Jackson would be rolling over in his grave if his casket wasn’t jammed full of children and chimps. Only Joshua had a tolerable moment. Oof.
Phillip Phillips – “Still Raining” – On a night when standing ovations were being treated like Lays (bet you can’t have just one), Phillip finally got one. He is so good every week. You could set your angry clock to him. He sings with so much intensity. It’s only a matter of time before that forehead vein breaks out and swallows Randy like a boa constrictor. Come on out vein, don’t be shy.
Joshua Ledet – “Without You” – This is a hard song. One of the top 5 hardest songs according to Jimmy and he knows things like hard singing. And name dropping. And baseball caps. Look, Jimmy knows stuff. I wasn’t a huge fan of this version. I know it was good and he got choked up at the end which is Idol Judge catnip but something wasn’t there. Maybe I just want another “When a Man Love a Woman.”
Jessica, Hollie, and Skylar – “Madonna Medley” – Better than the Michael Jackson one. Not really a compliment, though. Hollie was better on this than her Carrie Underwood song. Also not a compliment.
Elise Testone – “Whole Lotta Love” – That was sick. She is gaining momentum. She’s following the Hailey Reinhardt model – Bottom 3 every week in the beginning and then one of the top vote getters the rest of the way. I’m rooting for her and Phillip. Best of the night.
