Recently, someone was annoyed by the fact that I don’t always text back. Here is a list of reasons why I probably didn’t text you back:

1. You Are Spam - I don’t know how spam finds me in text form. I guess they have an autodialer or a really persistent bunch of girls who are so interested in getting with me that they can’t take the time to spell check. Either way, I don’t reply.
2. You Are WPLJ - This is potentially a subset of number 1 except that I asked for it. The radio station has been sending me texts for other contests ever since I tried to win tickets for a Gavin Degraw show in 2007. It’s easier to delete the text than figure out how to unsubscribe.
3. We Were Done Talking - In 2005, I took a stand and freed myself from the burden of being the final texter in a conversation. Do I reply ‘Have a good night?’ I already wrote ‘Bye.’ But they wrote ‘Have a good night’ after I wrote ‘Bye.’ Can’t we be done? Are you really going to assume I don’t want you to have a good night if I don’t respond? Because then you are the jerk.  
4. I Did Text Back - Sometimes I do write back but it doesn’t go through. I know what you are thinking - just resend. Well my Droid X doesn’t have a resend option so I have to type it again. No big deal, you say. Let’s walk through what happens.

First text attempt: Yeah that would be cool.

Then I get a message saying it could not send it so I try again but I’m strange so I have to type something slightly different this time.

Second text attempt: Ok, I’m in. Sounds spectacular.

Yes, I use the word spectacular from time to time. Anyway, I get a message some time later that says it could not send it. Now, because I’m insecure, I have to make sure the person doesn’t think I’m ignoring them or think I’m too good. Here comes the next text with an explanation up top.

Third text attempt: Sorry, my phone won’t send a text and I can’t just hit resend so I had to type it over. My phone sucks. What I wanted to say was, I’m on board. Let’s do it.

That one also fails. After I put my head in a pillow and scream, I take a deep breath, make myself some nice tea, and try again.

Fourth text attempt: You would not believe how much trouble I’m having texting you back. My phone is spazzing. I should probably call you but I don’t think cell phones do that anymore. LOL. Hey that could be a bit. Anyway, really interested in that. Talk to you later. 

Now that one eventually doesn’t go through so I take the phone and snap it in half over my knee like Bo Jackson. And that’s why you don’t hear back from me for a while. It takes Verizon time to get me a new phone activated and then I don’t know your number so I have to wait for you to text me again. It’s a process.

I’m sure the reason you haven’t gotten a text back is one of these 4 reasons. Otherwise, it’s reason number 5 - I just don’t like you.