It’s time to get back to that singing competition we all love. The Sing Off? No, a different one. The Voice? No, a different one. The Glee Project? No, the other one. Star Search? No, something from this generation. Platinum Hit? That was more about writing. You know what? It’s American Idol. We have 307 guys to get through. We can’t be sitting around guessing singing competitions all day.

It’s Season 11. Time to continue with Season 10’s lack of judges’ criticism and ruin another year . Who’s with me?

Steven

Beautiful idea, man. Just beautiful. You were meant to blog.

JLo

You make me feel every snarky word you type and that’s what this is all about.

Randy

We got a hot blog right here! 

Great start! Onto the guys who got to pick any song they wanted. I just wanted to make sure you knew that and didn’t think these guys were forced to sing some of these songs.

Reed Grimm – “Moves Like Jagger” - He’s from Wisconsin and he sure does lay on the thing his state is known for. He might be the first Idol to be censored which is a travesty because they let all of the words that Jacob Lusk sang last year on the air. He did a jazzy (read boring) version of the song. He only played drums for a portion of the song which was good because it didn’t let him dance around like I would assume a giraffe would if given a proper beat. He’s still likable. He’s like a happy version of Ethan from Lost. Like if Ethan got to kidnap a baby every day happy. Outlook: His Last Name.

Adam Brock – “Think” – The guy has a culinary degree from Le Cordon Bleu. You know they expression, “Too many cooks…” Well, by himself, he is one too many cooks.  He said he has a large black woman trapped in his body. Might I suggest an Arethaectomy. He’s a large version of Danny Gokey. He’ll move on to a nice country career because this was not that great. It’s fitting that he had a Terrible Towel in his back pocket. Sorry, Danny Bulky, time to return to your beautiful daughter. It’s a shame because I can ride that Danny Bulky nickname all the way to the end.

Deandre Brackensick – “Reasons” – This was awful. This is what would happen if the Predator was on RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m not a falsetto fan. I never have been. Ask all of my buddies down at the dock some time. But I respect the falsetto he had in the final Hollywood performance. It was well done. This one was full of nerves. The judges did him no service by telling him he was great. Acknowledge his nerves and tell him to believe in himself. He’ll be back next week. Especially with Nigel using the teenage girls come on stage to hug him bit. Deandre is being groomed for a Top 5 finish.

“Bitch, you need some teeth whitening. Stat!”

Colton Dixon – “Decode” – He’s an early favorite for me going into this performance. He said in his intro package that people expect him to sit behind a piano and sing so he’s going to surprise some people tonight. Well, if you thought he was going to be someplace other than behind a piano, SURPRISE! He’s so sneaky! The chorus wasn’t belted out with enough confidence but he got there by the end of the song…where he was STANDING ON THE PIANO!! Next week, he better emerge from inside the piano.

Jeremy Rosado – “Gravity” – He’s a really nice guy and he can sing so I’m rooting for him. It was good but it left me yearning to hear Sara Bareilles’ version instead. That’s probably not a great sign. Regardless, I want him to keep going and the judges loved him (Is Colton Dixon back behind a piano because I am shocked!) Was he wearing a Snooki t-shirt?

Aaron Marcellus – “Never Can Say Goodbye” - He teaches singing. You know what they say– “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, should know better than to sing Michael Jackson songs on American Idol.” I’m not sure why I didn’t like it. He sang it fine. Fine enough to get a standing ovation, I mean! What? This is what we’re standing for in Season 11? Shouldn’t it get harder to get one? Has the show come to this? Are we handing out participation standing ovations? Come on!

Chase Likens – “Storm Warning” – He’s a quick whistler. He has horses. He’s very country. Very country. So country. This is not a good song to excel with. It’s the least showy song next to Reed’s snoozefest. I’m not feeling it. Unlike the last Underworld movie, I predict there will be a Fall of the Likens. What I’m saying is this guy might be a werewolf. A country werewolf.

Creighton Fraker – “True Colors” – A good comedy friend of mine knows him and told me that he’s an extremely nice guy and supportive of others. So I acknowledge him being a great person and I can now critique him any way I see fit. Good to see him going with the stool. First stool of the season! There are times where he looks like the notes are making him fake vomit like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber. Still, this was the most restrained I’ve seen him and a Restrained Creighton appears to be a Great Creighton or Greighton, if you will.

Phillip Phillips – “In The Air Tonight” – In Hollywood Week, he changed his name to Phil Phillips but it’s good to see him back to Phillip Phillips. It works for him but, in the end, he’s Dave Mathews. You have to let that go and enjoy the second coming of frat jam band rock. As my wife said, that’s what that song would sound like if Dave Mathews did it. And I’d much rather hear Mathew Mathews these days than Dave. As for the song, I wish the background singers didn’t come in on the chorus but that’s not his fault yet. Randy wanted him to fix the reharm on the song. I’d like to reharm him as long as my knowledge of prefixes and root words leads me to understand the word correctly.

Eben Don’tneedtogethislastnamerightbecausehe’snotstaying – “Set Fire To The Rain” - I have now jinxed him to continue on forever. Last time I purposely misspelled a contestant’s name, it was Kris Allen. This can’t end up like that one did. He was going down in the monitored flames that were behind him. It was like all of the projected disaster outcomes from the movie Unstoppable in one. Yikes. 

Heejun “Mostly Water” Han – “Angels” - How could you not vote for him? I love the accent that pops up in his singing. Was the song the best? No. Does he deserve to move on? Absolutely. He’s a star. Now if they would stop using Hey Jude for his first name, that would be great. Thanks. 

Joshua Ledet – “You Pulled Me Through” – Voted “Most Likely To Be This Year’s Jacob Lusk” by me and my esteemed panel of me. The difference though is that Joshua sings a heck (church swear) of a lot better than Jacob ever could. I think you get a sense of how much Jacob scarred me last season. (He still gets no fish!) So I’m afraid to love a big a voice again. Afraid that voice will scream at me and make me feel bad about myself. I hope Joshua’s voice takes it slow with me because that’s what I need right now. He’s going through whether we vote him in or not. No way a wild card isn’t used. 

Jermaine Jones – “Dance With My Father” – In a shocking (Colton, you leave that piano right now!) turn of events, Idol brought back this lovable boy-giant as a 13^th male contestant. Though his voting number is 36. I guess to avoid superstition and the chance that he’ll advance. I’ll say this for him. He sang on the same night as Eben so there’s that.

I’m going to pick my five that will advance and save my wild card picks for tomorrow’s entry after I see if any of the girls deserve them. I’m going with who I think will get the most votes, not who I think was the best. It is a popularity contest after all. Ask Scotty McCreery.

Staying (in no particular order):

1. Deandre Brackensick
2. Colton Dixon
3. Phillip Phillips
4. Heejun Han
5. Joshua Ledet