Ignore that title, it’s time to get serious. My daughter cracked her first tooth today which means we are guaranteed 1. Very exciting. Having one tooth makes a world of difference. Here are some things she can do with one tooth that she couldn’t do yesterday with zero teeth:

1. Pierce the skin on my finger that she has merely gummed until now.
2. Take out a $5 loan from a bank in anticipation of the Tooth Fairy later.
3. Be a coatrack.
4. Do some half-ass beaving. (What a beaver does.)
5. Open juice cans.
6. Gloat at an old folks’ home.
7. Be a model for a jack-o-lantern art class at local community college.
8. Marry a relative.
9. Do a parody of “A Few Good Men” where she yells “You can’t handle the tooth!” then smiles to the camera and adorably points to her mouth as a sparkle blings.

Congrats on the tooth, honey!