It’s that time of year again. Time to dust off the old judgment fingers and type up my feelings on the new crop of American Idol contestants. I have two favorites and they both have beards. Let’s get to it as I only have until my daughter wakes up from her nap.

Clint Jun Gamboa- “Superstition” - First song with the big band and it showed. The band overpowered him like most students probably did in high school. I don’t like him because he kicked the chubby kid out of his group in Hollywood Week so he’s on my poo list. He’s Hipster William Hung though I hope with less success. Nice hop-jump to tell the band to stop playing, though.

Side note - William Hung’s SECOND album is called “Measure of a Bang.” That’s amazing.

Jovany Barreto - “I’ll Be” - I’m thinking tonight’s theme is “Songs You Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Sing On Idol Anymore.” I’m not sure why I don’t like him. Maybe it’s because he looks like he should be chasing around Belle trying to get her to marry him. It was so snoozy that I can’t. Even. Finish. My. Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

“No one fights like Jovanny. Sings under lights like Jovanny.”

Jordan Dorsey - “OMG” - This is Karmically awful. He deserves this for his behavior in Hollywood Week. Auditioning people to be in his group that he eventually left? Douche. This was a trainwreck that I was glad Denzel Washington and Captain Kirk didn’t stop. He’s too full of himself. I mean, he fell to his knees and reached for the sky to end the song. Give it a rest. Go home.

Tim Halperin - “Streetcorner Symphony” - Doesn’t he look like he froze partway through a werewolf transformation? I think I like him so I’m not going to comment and hope he does better if he gets another chance. It was dull and made me yearn for Rob Thomas. I should never yearn for Rob Thomas. Try again.

Brett Loewenstern - “Light My Fire” - He looks like he should be doing bad secretarial work for Dave Foley. The song does not fit him. Though I’m sure he would say, “You can’t tell a person what song fits them because songs are like one-size-fits-all shirts and everyone can put it on. Flowers!” But it ended strong. I’m a fan of his. It’s funny that he doesn’t know what to do with his body while he sings. He’ll figure it out.

“I just feel like singing, Dave. You answer the phone.”

James Durbin - “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’” - I will now coin the nickname “Badam Lambert.” He’s too much and now I miss Adam Lambert who, if you’ll go back to my blog entries from Season 8, I hated. He’s so screamy. I’m not sure what’s up with his handkerchief tail. Does he have to pull it to make himself sing? If so, can we break it? His “the best audience in the world” comment at the end felt forced. I don’t think he really believes they are the best audience in the world. Get a polygraph machine.

Robbie Rosen - “Angel” - A little gender crossover by singing a Sarah McLachlan song. I liked it when he did it with Sara Bareilles’ “Gravity” but not this time. It was boring. Best to stick to Saras who don’t have h’s in their name. Still, it was nice of TJ Hooker to give him the night off.

“Good luck out there, partner. Tonight, I don’t need you for hood sliding.”

Scotty McCreery - “Letters From Home” - I’m skipping judgment on him. It’s not my thing. I’m sure it’s good. (I’m not sure.)

Stefano Langone - “Just The Way You Are” - Because of the way pop radio is, I watch TV with the sole purpose that I won’t hear this song. Thanks, Stefano. The judges liked him but I don’t think he hit any of those notes. It kinda hurt to listen to. Still, he’s likable so I hope he continues.

Paul McDonald - “Maggie May” - It was a ballsy move to use the same song he auditioned. I’m not sure how it will be perceived. Regardless, the singing was awesome. I’m all in. Go Paul and all your weird spastic movements!

Jacob Lusk - “A House Is Not A Home” - How is his voice in any way commercial? He’s the kind of singer you hear on one of those stations that comes with cable after the movie channels. He has more runs than the Rockettes sliding down a gravel driveway. It’s too much. He looks like a dolphin. Every time he opens his mouth, I want to throw a fish in it.

Casey Abrams - “I Put A Spell On You” - He owns the stage. I love everything he does. He’s just awesome. It doesn’t hurt that he looks like Yukon Cornelius. Especially in this season of Misfit Singers.

“He’s got a gun! Look out, JLo!”

My 5 Advancing:

1. Casey Abrams
2. Paul McDonald
3. Scotty McCreery
4. Brett Loewenstern
5. Jacob Lusk

That’s not who I want to advance. That’s just who is. Baby’s up! Gotta go!