American Idol Season 10 - Top 24 (Girls)
I am already annoyed with this new season of Idol. While I think the talent level is leaps and bounds better than last year, the judges are doing nothing to make these singers better. There is no criticism. It’s like there are two Paulas and a less-interested Randy. I have barely liked anybody thus far but I actually see potential in them. This is where the ghost of Simon Cowell will haunt our dreams much like the real Simon Cowell would. Let’s include what Simon Cowell’s Ghost would say because I’m tired of the lack of criticism.
Ta-Tynisa Wilson - “Only Girl (In The World)” - Much like “OMG” from yesterday, this was a debacle. This song can’t be done live or by anyone other than Rihanna. It’s not meant to be sung. It’s meant to be droned by a sexy woman whose fame is beyond comprehension.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Ooooooo. I’m a bloody ghost. Look, that was dreadful. It was a mess from top to bottom. I don’t know what you’re wearing. It looks like what Pebbles would wear if the Flintstones was drawn in the 80s and not the 50s. Sorry.
Naima Adedapo - “Summertime” - She went with an uptempo version to try to avoid comparisons to Fantasia. However, a better way to avoid comparisons to Fantasia would be to avoid this altogether. I thought we are supposed to be finding current artists and they are not.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Boo. You sang it well. But it was all a bit old-fashioned. You can hear that in any cantina from here to the one from Star Wars. Also, your outfit looks like a reverse mermaid. Remember meeeeeeeeee.
Kendra Chantelle - “Impossible” - She can really sing. In order to avoid comparisons to Christina Aguilera, she sang all of the right words. (Super Burn!!!) So that was good. It felt like she lost the melody a little at the end but that could have been because she’s probably not used to leather pants.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: (knocks over lamp) Kendra. It’s like the night has officially begun. By far the best of the evening so far. You came out. You look good. You sang good. Good job. There’s gold under the staaaaaaaaaage.
Rachel Zevita - “Criminal” - It wasn’t great but you know what? She actually tried to do something with a song. She made Fiona Apple into a lounge singer standard. That’s not easy to do. Can’t she get points for that? She can’t? Oh. Then I guess it’s good that the judges nip this originality thing in the bud. I’d rather hear things sound exactly like the original.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: What. Was. That? I think you are in trouble. That was like a British thing trying to sound like a different British thing. It didn’t work. Sorry.
Karen Rodriguez - “Hero” - The crowd actually cheered when she sang in Spanish. The judges gave her credit for making it her own because she sang it in Spanish. What the hell is going on?!? Why not allow people to sing the wrong words altogether? Or Adam Sandler-gibberish? Where does it end? It was a poor Mariah and boring.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: I have to disagree with these people. That is one of the great pop songs of the last 20 years. You did nothing different with it. (audience boos) Can I finish? I’m trying to help her. Sorry. Your grandmother says helloooooo.
Lauren Turner - “Seven Day Fool” - This was good. However, these girls do not care about the mic stand tonight. They just toss it on the floor like it doesn’t cost anything. It costs more than your life, Lauren! More than your life!
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: That was great. That’s how you do it. You come out here. You own the stage. You act like a professional. Good job. I can’t find my lost looooooooove.
Ashthon Jones - “Love All Over Me” - Nothing says I’ve come to win like a denim bustier. She carries herself like a diva and sings like the opposite of a diva. It was painful. I need a transfusion to replace the blood I lost out of my ears.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Oh. Asston. Asston. What? How do you pronounce it? I’m sorry. Ashthon. Not the second h? Just the first one? Well now I’m lost. What are we doing? Let’s just get to it. It was awful. I think that’s the last we will see of you. But not of meeeeeeeee.
Julie Zorrilla - “Breakaway” - She’s pretty and she looks like a princess. This was not great. She can sing but she can’t sing as big as Kelly Clarkson. (Not a fat joke.) On a positive note, if you watch it back on mute, it looks great.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: I don’t know what’s happening tonight. Besides Lauren and Kendra, nobody here is trying to win. You have to come out here and sing for your life and I’m not hearing it. Sorry. Now you will all sufferrrrrrrrr!
Haley Reinhart - “Fallin” - Her dress comes with racing stripes. She likes to growl a lot. She also doesn’t know what to do with herself on stage. I saw some twirling. My main thing is her mouth. It’s gigantic. It must make Steven Tyler feel inadequate.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Are you a dog protecting a bone? What’s with all the growling? Ugh. The stage movements were so awkward. It was a mess. I’m going to try to slime you now.
Thia Megia - “Out Here On My Own” - This threw me for a loop. I have not liked her up to this point but this was the best she has sounded all season. The acappella opening. It was just really nice. She’s safe.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Thia. Fantastic. You knocked it out of the park, cricket-style. I loved it. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Lauren Alaina - “Turn On The Radio” - I did not expect country out of her but I’m glad she didn’t sing an Aerosmith song or come out and sit on Steven Tyler’s lap and serenade him. She wishes she was Liv Tyler so she could have daddy issues. It’s all very creepy. Randy says she’s like a combination of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Wow. She’s the judges’ darling so she’s sailing through. It doesn’t matter. Sing on, Kelrie Clarkwood!
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: It was good. I didn’t love it. I don’t know what kind of artist you want to be. Do you want to sing country? Do you want to sing rock? You need to choose because I don’t think this is who you are. I will possess you now.
Pia Toscano - “I’ll Stand By You” - This was ridiculous. I don’t even like this song and she sang the pants off of it, then mended those pants, hemmed them, fixed the zipper, dry cleaned them, and put them back on. Best of the season.
Simon Cowell’s Ghost: Pia, you naughty minx. That was fantastic. The best of the night. None of these other people deserve to be on the stage. You get a floating ovation. Great job. I’m off to get my wiiiiiiings.
My 5 advancing:
- Pia Toscano
- Lauren Alaina
- Thia Megia
- Naima Adedapo
- Kendra Chantelle
Lauren Turner should be on the list. Hope she gets a wild card.
