Carole King Week should be a gimme week. I mean she’s written so many songs that none of the people who actually vote for American Idol have heard of. “Wait was she before Mariah? Wow. That’s old.” Well the producers may not know what they audience wants in terms of songs but they do know what they want in terms of background musicians. This marks the third straight appearance by the ripped trumpet girl. She plays trumpet so well because she’s not encumbered by sleeves. Check out her arms. She’s like Linda Hamilton if Linda Hamilton had to fight the liquid terminator using only a horn.

Jacob Lusk – “Oh No Not My Baby” – Normally when he sings those crazy notes, I just don’t want to hear them. But this time, they weren’t even in tune. It was like a rancid cherry on top of a poop sundae. (Now available at Friendly’s.) I think you all know how many fish he earned. I’m glad he had fun though. Having fun gets you a lot in life. I have fun doing comedy. Look how that’s going.

Lauren Alaina – “Where You Lead” – This is the theme song to “Gilmore Girls,” which is one of this family’s favorite shows of all time. When the song played before the show, my wife had this whole (non-sexy) dance that she did to entertain me. When the finale aired, she did it for the last time and it made me sad. I was hoping if Lauren did a good enough job, the dance would return. It did not. What she did do was invite a 19-year-old guy on stage to sing to. I guess it’s better than bringing Steven Tyler up there. That’s like singing to a Dali painting.

Casey and Haley – “I Feel The Earth Move” – This was nice. They growled again.

Scotty McCreery – “You’ve Got A Friend” – It was probably his best performance of the season. He didn’t move around. He didn’t make stupid faces. He just sang the song well and with feeling. Why does he have to win? I hope when the confetti comes down on him, he pulls off his face like a mask to reveal Pia.

James Durbin – “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?” – The opening was breathtaking. Then the rest was ok. Even though I don’t like him, I wanted it all to be good after that beginning. This could have been a moment but it fell short. He actually made the song his own, though. When was the last time that happened this season? (Not counting Naima’s Miss Cleo impression.) I’ll reluctantly give him credit for that.

Scotty and Lauren – “Up On The Roof” – Lauren treated him like Miley Cyrus. She buried him on this. It was twang-tastic.

Casey Abrams – “Hi-De-Ho” – Where did he find this in the Carole King songbook? Did he force Carole King to write this during the week? It’s the perfect song for him though he might be in trouble. While it was very entertaining, he once again did not do enough actual singing. Are we going to find out at the end of the competition that doctors told Casey he only had so many notes left in him before his heart would give out? Is he pacing himself to die at the finale? Is that why he was in the hospital at the beginning of the season? Is anyone else having allergy problems this week? My eyes are so itchy.

Haley Reinhart – “Beautiful” – I like Haley more every week. She has such a cool voice and she’s cute. She could be a star if managed properly.  The aliens inside her robot body had some problems with the left arm controls again but the singing is overshadowing the flailing at this point. I hope she makes it through. Randy didn’t like her but Randy got tired by the end of the show. His dawgs were hurting.

James and Jacob – “I’m Into Something Good” – This was a trainwreck. How could it not be? There’s no harmonizing with these two. The only thing that made it worth watching was when they spun JLo around in her chair and almost Basic Instinct’d her. Quick leg crossing and a carefully placed hand were the only things that saved us from getting a glimpse of what Ben Affleck gave up.

Bottom 3:

1. Jacob Lusk 
2. Casey Abrams 
3. Haley Reinhart

Going Home: Jacob Lusk (Enough already, America)